


Hey Dickhead!

by buckybarfs



Series: Words [5]
Category: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, And A Good Fuck, Character(s) of Color, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Feels, Clint Barton Just Needs A Hug, Clints family is in this but like...not really, Deaf Clint Barton, F/F, F/M, Hurt Clint Barton, Multi, OFC is a WOC, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-10-13 14:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10515195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckybarfs/pseuds/buckybarfs
Summary: “Hey, sweet butt!” Came the voice of an incredibly intoxicated man from a group of men who were also all inebriated.Reasons like tonight were why Bernie carried a knife in her pocket and a taser in her bag. “Hey dickhead!” She shouted back, shooting a glare over her shoulder before stomping off.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted some Clint. I don't really have a reason. I support Clintasha 100% but for some reason I can't write it. So here's the newest addition to my collection of misfit OCs. This story is going to be a little more light hearted than the rest.

_“Hey, sweet butt!” Came the voice of an incredibly intoxicated man from a group of men who were also all inebriated._

  
_Reasons like tonight were why Bernie carried a knife in her pocket and a taser in her bag. “Hey dickhead!” She shouted back, shooting a glare over her shoulder before stomping off._

* * *

Bernice Winnifred Smith had a tough time growing up, with a name like that how could she not? Her mother's defense for having picked the name Bernice was that it was a strong biblical name. Clearly her mother had never read the Bible because anybody who had would never name their child Bernice. Going by her middle name never helped either and her first and last initials weren't much better. Young Bernie had thought life couldn't get any worse, until it did.

When she was thirteen and going through middle school her soulmark decided to appear, and that was the day she decided she didn't believe in god, in destiny, or in love. So for the first year of having her soulmark she exclusively wore long sleeves, until one day she passed out from heat exhaustion and had to go to the emergency room, where her mother saw her mark. The next three years of her life were spent in counseling, her mother believing that her soulmark meant her good Christian daughter would fall prey to the devil's temptations and become a child prostitute, yeah, that was likely.

High School was a particularly rough time for her, being mixed in a small hick town was bad enough in itself. Yet when she hit puberty she grew in all the wrong places. Her butt was too big and her chest wasn't big enough, the boys would leer and grope yet make fun of her at the same time. Then to make it all worse she grew to be five foot nine in freshman year.

Being a mixed child that came from a white mother who very often said sleeping with Bernie’s black father was the biggest mistake of her life, often exclusively using slurs to refer to said father, was difficult. No matter where she went she never fit in, the white kids at her school would say she was too dark, and the black kids at her school would tell her to take her white self elsewhere. No matter what she did Bernie just couldn't seem to fit in.

As a child growing up her mother kept very little technology in the house, she was always afraid of that darn internet taking a hold of her sweet daughter. So in highschool when Bernie’s school gave her a laptop to do her school work on her mother raised hell, she stormed right into the office and told them that they wouldn't corrupt her daughter and if they wanted her to have a computer they better put every possible safeguard on it to keep her from wandering onto one of “the devil’s traps” as her mother had said.

So when freshly eighteen Bernie and her friend were roaming a streetfair and got pulled to the side by a navy recruiter she didn't even hesitate to ask where she should sign. While negotiating her contract they asked her what kind of job she wanted, and without even hesitating she stated she wanted to work with computers, and thus began her career as an IT girl.

Bootcamp was a breeze compared to her growing up years, everyone being stripped of their identity and exclusively being called by their last name. She was no longer Bernice Winnifred, she was simply Smith, something she enjoyed. The best part though, in her eyes, was the baggy uniforms though her favorite part was the sleeves. Their uniforms had sleeves, sleeves that covered her trainwreck of a soulmark. The eight years she spent in the navy were the best years of her life, until they weren't. Then came SHIELD.

* * *

"Come on, you need a girl in your life.” Nat sighed as she sprawled out onto Clint’s bed.

“No I don't, leave it be Nat.” He snapped, turning to shoot her a look of annoyance before returning to shaving his face.

“Hey, can I use your computer?” Innocently asked the redhead, it was an innocent request, too innocent, but the archer decided to go along with it in hopes of her laying off.

* * *

Two weeks later his computer crashed. “ _Shit_!” Clint groaned loudly, followed by some other and more creative curse words.

“What's wrong?” Natasha asked in that same innocent tone from two weeks ago, if Clint noticed he didn't acknowledge it.

“I don't know it won't turn on, I think there's a virus or something.” He mumbled as he buried his face in his hands, letting out another groan.

“Probably from all the porn you download.” Snickered the redhead as she rolled over onto her stomach, tangling herself in Clint’s sheets. Things like this were why everybody in the entire universe thought her and Clint were an item. However Clint was pretty sure she was Asexual and Natasha had nothing but brotherly love for Clint.

“You should call IT.” She offered casually. “The number is on the fridge.” Her and Clint shared an apartment, and three weeks ago she had snuck a list onto the fridge with important numbers in case they needed to call anyone. It was innocent enough that Clint didn't question it.

Yet four weeks ago Natasha had a computer run in herself, where she ran down to the 3rd floor, below ground, and met an IT tech that went by the name of Bernie. After spending an hour with the girl while she fixed Natasha's computer she decided the girl would be perfect for Clint, and thus her month long plan was put into motion.

  
“ _Hello, Stark Information Technology services how may I help you_?” Came the pleasant voice from the other end of the line.

“I think my computer has a virus.” Clint stated awkwardly.

“Have you tried rebooting your computer?”

“Yeah, it didn't work which is why I'm calling _you_.” He sighed in annoyance.

“My apologies sir, lots of _older_ ,” She whispered the word, “people work in this building and can't tell a mouse from a modem.” Came her immediate reply which was just a little too perky for his tastes.

“Well I'm not old so don't call me sir that's a title for old people.” Clint grumbled in annoyance as he flopped himself down onto the couch.

“My mistake.” She replied smoothly and Clint was certain he could hear the sound of a giggle. “I'll be on my way up in a few minutes.”

“Wait, don't you need my apartment number and floor?”

“Well, Mr Barton, JARVIS notifies me of where people are calling from to make things easier.” Was her smug answer.

“Oh.” Was all the archer could say.

“See you soon, _sir_.”

Yeah, that time there was a definite giggle and Clint found himself bordering between annoyed and amused. A few minutes later when he opened the door to reveal a girl with a small afro and tanned skin that almost stood at his eye level he realized he had been set up. As the girl in front of him was the embodiment of his type, mind you until now he didn't know he had a type, he knew this couldn't be a coincidence and that's when he pieced together what Natasha had done, and suddenly he wanted to strangle the woman.

“Your computer needs fixing?” She asked with a smile that flashed her perfect glimmering white teeth. Yes, Natasha knew him too well, right down to his preference for women with good dental hygiene, he couldn’t decide if he hated her or loved her at this moment.

“Yeah, uh, it’s over here.” He offered dumbly as he vaguely motioned towards the wrought iron coffee table with a glass top that the laptop sat on.

“Well, first off, I can tell you right off the bat that this computer is old and should be replaced anyways.” She said as she waltzed over to the couch and sat down like she owned the place.

“Hey.” Clint grumbled as he watched her open the laptop.

“I'm just saying, newer computers have _better_ security, and computers you let us put Stark security on have even _better_ security.”

“I keep telling him that but he never listens.” Natasha murmured demurely as she exited her bedroom, Clint wondered when she had left his, and walked to the door. “I'll see you later Clint, I'm gonna go see if Steve wants to _boink_.” She said with a wink before walking past Clint and sauntering out the door.

Unknown to the IT girl Natasha and leaned in and whispered “Get at it.” to the archer on her way out.

“That's a joke, she and Steve don't, ah, boink.” He said awkwardly as he lingered by the door, his hands now shoved into his pockets. Natasha had purposely used that word knowing how much it weirded him out.

“Come here.” The girl ordered without even looking up from the screen.

“What?”

“Let me show you how you can fix this in future, so I don't have to drag myself all the way up here.”

“Oh, of course.” Natasha's comment had him all worked up and flustered now.

“So, all you had to do was give your computer a minute before you turned it on again. The virus you got stuck with is relatively harmless, it just causes random shut downs. This is the folder it originated from.” She explained as she gently touched the track pad and maneuvered the mouse to a folder labeled “Bow Modifications.”

The folder was in fact, not bow modifications, it was instead a folder inside of a folder, the second folder containing Clints porn stash. Suddenly he wanted to kill Natasha all over again.

To the girls merit she didn't even bat an eye as she pulled up a specific picture, a guy and a girl sitting, although only one of them was actually on the red couch, a couch not much unlike the red one they sat on now, and showed him how to delete the picture and remove the virus. Yeah, he was going to kill Natasha.

“And that's that.” She said with a satisfied smile as she closed his laptop and handed it back to him.

“I'm sorry about that, uh,” He meant to continue but his ears and his face were burning too much for him to be able to focus on words.

“It happens pretty frequently. I've seen some pretty weird stuff. One guy in accounting told me his computer wouldn't charge, it was a desktop mind you, then pointed out a folder and said it was the cause. So I humored him, opened the folder, and what do you know? A folder exclusively of nasty old white dudes banging young mixed girls. One of the most awkward moments of my life. Next time he called for me I sent my assistant, Jerry, skinny little white boy. Never got a call again.”

Clint found himself laughing at her story which was probably the point, he felt warmth flood his body as he basked in the glow she seemed to emit. The two just sat smiling at each other for a minute before Clint spoke again.

“Still, I’m sorry about that, I have my suspicions about who planted that on my computer.”

“Oh, planted? So now you're being framed? Let me guess you're a devout Christian who would never ever masturbate and your asshole devil worshipper friend planted that on your computer to make you look bad?”

Clint sighed dramatically, lazing himself back on the couch, “You got me.”

“Look, you don't have to explain because I don't care. Masturbation and sex are normal. You seem to be a normal red blooded man so it's to be expected.” She said with a satisfied smile and a small shrug as she sat up straighter, looking like she was about to leave. Suddenly Clint felt a pang in his chest, he didn't want her to leave.

“I'm sorry you have to add me to your list of creepy old white dudes, I’m sure it's really put a damper on your image of me as a superhero.” There he went, casually playing the superhero card.

She stood up and took a step towards the door, Clint followed her. “Let me show you out.”

“As if I've forgotten where the door is.” She said in mock surprise as she stood in front of the door.

“Hey, as you can see my apartment is huge, it's very easy to get lost in.” She turned to face him as he said this, an eyebrow quirking up.

“Yeah? How big? I've always heard that superheroes," she used the word mockingly, "have the biggest." At first Clint thought she would leave it there, but she quickly added on "Aparments." And flashed him an innocent smile.

“Care to let a nasty old white dude show you around?” He offered her his arm.

“Did I say you were nasty?” She said thoughtfully, tapping her chin with her finger and looking up and off into the distance with a contemplative look on her face.

“You did say I was old.” She took his arm and he grinned like he had just won the lotto.

“I should apologize for that.”

“You can do it on the tour.”

So Clint made a big show about showing her everything in the apartment, aside from what he explained was the very dangerous widows den. Nobody was to ever go in there because very few people made it out alive.

He has just finished showing off his coffee pot when she asked what was next, the only thing left was his bedroom.

“Wouldn't you like to know?” He asked with a smirk, crossing his arms in front of him as he blocked the door.

“I would very much like to know what's behind door number three.” She said jokingly, her eyes flitting down to watch how his arms bulged when he crossed them.

“What's the password?”

“I don't know a password, but I can probably hack it.” She stepped closer to him.

“Can't get in without a password, superhero rules and all.” He replied with a shrug as he looked down at her.

“I didn't think you avengers followed many rules.” She stepped closer again.

“Depends on the rule.”

“What if somebody really wanted to know how soft a superheroes bed was? Then could they bypass the password and thus break the rule?" They were nearly face to face.

“Fuck.” Clint growled under his breath, all self restraint he had been holding onto leaving his body.

He lunged at her, grasping her face between his hands, she suddenly seemed so delicate, their mouths smashing together as she enthusiastically kissed him back. His hands left her face to roam down her sides, his arms enclosed around her waist so he could pull her closer to him. She fit against him perfectly, her height made it so he barely had to lean down to kiss her, which meant no crick in his neck, and her ass was at perfect level for grabbing.

Her hands went to unbutton his jeans, he hadn't bothered to put a belt on as all he had planned to do was laze about the house. However he found himself glad he had managed to toss his hearing aids in.

“Wait, shit, what's your name again?” He asked as he pulled away, concern on his face as he realized he had no idea.

“Just call me B.” She said with a smirk as she pulled his zipper down.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Yes Sir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie and Clint partake in adult activities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pure smut. Also it's only half decent smut because I haven't written actual smut in ages. I'm sorry about that.

Clint could hardly comprehend what was going on as B fondled him through his boxers, her lips moved from his lips to assault his jaw causing him to sigh in contentment. He couldn't decide if he wanted to take her slowly, unravel her and take her apart piece by piece or if he wanted to take her right now. So he settled

  
“Up against the door.” He said hoarsely, had he been breathing through his mouth? He found himself feeling a twinge embarrassed, it had been so long since he'd had sex.

“Yes, _Sir_.” She said playfully as she switched sides with him, all traces of embarrassment left his body as she said those words.

He simply stood there for a moment, letting his eyes graze over the goddess that stood in front of him, he didn't care that his pants were undone and his still covered cock was half out, he just needed to take her all in, make sure this was real. He watched with a satisfied smirk as she shuddered under his gaze, she was breathing heavy, her chest heaving.

He stepped to her, pressing her into the door, before placing his wide hands on her curve of her hips. With one hand he grabbed her wrists and gently put them above her head, holding them there. “You keep these up here, you understand?” He asked as he looked into her eyes, her pupils were blown and they were heavy lidded.

“Yes, sir.” She replied obediently as she feverently nodded.

“Good girl.” He swore he could feel her melt at that, her breath hitching as she leaned her head back against the door to give him full access to her.

His lips gently trailed against her neck, stopping to nibble on her pulse point, her breath grew ragged and Clint felt a swell of pride well up in him. His hand let go of her wrists and moved to squeeze her hip, then ever so slowly his other hand slipped under her shirt, his fingers ghosting across the smooth skin of her side, his fingers crept up her side and danced over her ribs before he gently cupped her breast, his thumb moving so softly swipe across her fabric covered nipple.

“Clint, please.” She begged, arching herself into him and throwing one leg around his waist causing her skirt to get bunched up, before grinding her sex against his half exposed cock, she needed friction, she needed something more than this torture.

The archer simply smirked before tugging her shirt up so her breasts were exposed, the bra she wore was simple, purple with black lace, but Clint looked at it like he had just won the lottery. He slipped his hand under the bra, pulling it up so it sat above her breasts. He gently cupped one of her breasts, calloused hands lightly scratching at her delicate skin, when he took her nipple between his thumb and index finger she moaned.

“Christ, are you really that sensitive?” Without waiting for an answer he ducked his head to catch her other nipple in his mouth, lightly letting his teeth graze it as he rolled the other one between his fingers.

Her reply was a whimper as she bucked her hips against him, he could feel her wetness rubbing off onto his boxers and fuck, if it wasn't the hottest thing. When he felt her fingers slide into his hair he had to pull away to give her a disapproving look.

“What did I say?” He asked disapproval in his tone as he collected her wrists in his hand again, this time holding them above the door and not letting go.

“Please.” She rasped, her bottom lip was swollen from being chewed on so much and her eyes were wild.

He simply smirked, moving to pinch her nipple, this time more aggressively. He watched in amusement as she gasped and then whined, pressing herself into him.

“I need you, Clint, please.”

Well if she insisted, Clint slowly slid to the ground in front of her, her leg that had been on his hip he took to rest on his shoulder, the other one kept planted firmly on the ground. He gently nuzzled his face on the inside of her thigh, the stubble he hadn't shaved today tickling her in the most delightful way. He bit her inner thigh causing her to jerk he then looked up at her, a cheeky look on his face. She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen, watching him with her wide eyes and chest heaving, he for a moment wondered if Asgard had lost a Goddess.

Gently he pressed his lips to her still covered mound, causing her to stiffen and bite back a moan. “Don't hold back, I want to hear it all.” He mumbled against her sex, the feeling of his warm breath spilling over her drove her wild, her core now aching for him.

“Need you.” She whimpered, lifting her hips the slightest bit so she could be closer to him.

With a devilish grin Clint slid his fingers over her now soaked panties causing her to whine and buck her hips even more, looking for any kind of relief. Much too slowly for her tastes he pulled the black lace to the side. For a moment he simply marveled at her, the little tuft of hair she had on her pubic mound, the way her clit was swollen from need, and how wetness was nearly dripping from her. Then, finally he rubbed his index and middle fingers against her, collecting her juices so he could slip into her easily. For a second he tenderly stroked her entrance before plunging his fingers into her, earning a sharp cry from her as she attempted to grind into his fingers.

“Please, please, please Clint, fuck.” She said his name like a prayer and Clint decided he couldn't stand to tease her anymore.

He started languidly stroking his fingers in and out of her wet heat his lips grazing her sensitive bud, and on a whim he gently let his teeth graze her engorged clit, which earned him another loud cry and he felt her fingers tangle into his hair, though at this point he didn't care.

She was already shaking when he started pumping his fingers faster, he circled her clit with his tongue as his fingers curled and found that spot inside of her that made her see stars.

“Fuck, Clint, fuck, I'm gonna-” She didn't get to finish her sentence because with his other hand Clint reached up to roll her nipple between his fingers and she lost it, her hips bucking wildly as her orgasm took over her entire body, for a minute she swore she blacked out.

The way his name spilled from her lips over and over while she came made his cock twitch, so he gently moved to stand up, wrapping her leg around his hip once more. His hand gently stroking her breast as he let her recover from her orgasm for a minute.

“I want you inside of me.” She whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her.

“You broke the rule.” He mumbled against her lips.

“Oh well.” She said before pressing her lips to his again, she removed one hand from his neck and slipped it down between them, quickly freeing his cock from its confines, her thumb swiped across his head smearing the precum that leaked from his tip.

Clint continued to move his lips against hers as she gently maneuvered him so the swollen head of his cock gently pressed against her soft folds, then it hit him, “Wait, shit, condom?” He asked frantically as he pulled his face away from hers.

“Shit.” Bernie hissed.

“All of mine are in the bedroom.” He stated as he rested his forehead against hers.

“Mine are in my purse downstairs.”

“Are you comfortable with?” He trailed off, she knew what he meant.

“I'm on birth control and I'm clean. Are you?”

Clint nodded vigorously in response.

“Fuck it.” She mumbled.

With that, Clint gently pressed himself to her entrance, he slipped into her with relative ease, causing both of them to sigh with pleasure as she adjusted to his girth.

“You okay?” He asked softly, pressing a chaste kiss to her swollen red lips.

“You feel so good.” She murmured against his lips.

With that the archer began to thrust into her, slow tantalizing thrusts that took him nearly all the way out of her soft heat. His lips left hers so he could place gentle kisses against her jaw, he listened to her breathing as he did this, it was slow but ragged as if she was trying to keep herself under control. His thrusts picked up and one of his hands slipped between them to rub her still sensitive clit.

“Shit! Clint! Fuck!” She gasped, her hips bucking as she tried to grind into his hand. The way his length filled her made her feel complete, it stretched her in the best way and the head of his cock stroked her just where she liked it. If she didn't know better she would have sworn he was made for her.

His lips assaulted her neck, surely leaving hickies as the hand that wasn't between them moved to greedily cup her breast once more, after finding out how sensitive they were he found it hard to leave them alone. Her nails clawed into his upper back as she held onto him like her life depended on it.

Bernie was sure she’d be covered in bruises by tomorrow, but she couldn't find it in herself to care, bliss was filling her body and she could feel another orgasm building in the pit of her stomach. “Clint, don't stop.” She begged, his hung started drawing harsh circles on her flit, causing her arms to tighten around him, her nails drawing blood as dug into him and tilted her head back against the door.

Clint watched as she came undone in front of him, her second orgasm causing her body to spasm, her legs shaking so hard he wondered if he'd have to carry her. His lips found her pulse point again, her heart was beating like crazy. “That's right, come for me baby, so good.” He murmured into her neck. He continued to sing praises as she shuddered against him. The way she felt tightening around him as she came brought him to the edge, for a brief moment he wondered if coming inside of her was okay but as his orgasm overtook him he decided it would be fine.

* * *

Bernie was still shaking when Clint shuddered against her and tensed up, she felt his seed spilling into her as he rode out his orgasm with lazy thrusts. She could barely hear anything over the sound of blood rushing in her heads, her head felt fuzzy and her arms had nearly lost all feeling. It had been years since she’d had an orgasm like that.

“You okay?” Clint murmured, pressing a kiss to her jawline before pulling away.

“Yeah, that was,” She paused, looking for a word to use that would get her point across and also not make her sound like a crazed fan, “Incredible.”

“Yeah.” Clint agreed his eyes wide as he slowly got his breathing under control. Gently he slipped out of her slowly untangled her leg down from around his waist. He quickly tucked himself back into his boxers and stepped away from her, his cheeks suddenly flushing.

“Can I use your bathroom?” She asked quickly as she stood trying to squeeze her legs together so cum wouldn’t drip everywhere.

“Yeah, of course, if you ah open the door and go to the left that's my bathroom.”

Bernie laughed nervously as she turned to open the door, upon reaching for the doorknob she realized there was a sore spot on her back which she blamed on said doorknob.

As she sat down to use the bathroom and clean herself up a million thoughts flew through her head, one causing her to curse under her breath.

Clint was mildly surprised to hear cursing coming from the bathroom, a minute later B came flying out of the bathroom, she now only somewhat looked like she had just gotten fucked against an Avengers door.

“I have to get back to work.” She explained as she straightened out her clothing and went to scoop her phone up off of the coffee table before all but sprinting to the door.

She hesitated for a minute, not quite wanting to leave like that but also unsure of what to say. “You have my number if you want.” She placed purposeful indifference in her tone and accented the statement with a casual shrug.

“I'll call.” Clint said after her as she pulled the door open and ran into the hall.

* * *

A week later Bernie stood at her best friends door with a Trader Joe's bag in one hand, a bottle of wine in the other and annoyance written all over her face.

“Hey!” Her blonde bestfriend said as she opened the door.

“Hey Trish.”

“What's that look on your face?” The woman asked apprehensively as she took in her friends state.

“I slept with an avenger a week ago and he said he would call but never did and I'm kind of annoyed so here I am. Also apparently I have a praise kink.” She explained in a rush. “I brought wine.” She tacked that on as an afterthought.

“Hopefully more than one bottle?” Her friend offered weakly.

“I brought five.” She held up the Trader Joe's bag with a sheepish smile.

“Come on in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all already know what I want.


	3. Keep It Casual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint realizes that for a spy he kind of sucks at hiding and remembering Intel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I've had this chapter written for a while, but forgot about it. I guess that makes me as bad as Clint right?

As the two started their second bottle of wine Bernie watched Trish get a serious look on her face. For a minute she panicked, wondering what could be so serious for her friend to get that look on her face.

 

“Since you spend most of your time on the residential floors you've probably met my boss?” She asked slowly.

 

“Cosette? Yeah. I ran into her once, I fixed her kids leappad when she wouldn't let Tony near it.” Bernie chuckled at the memory, Tony had been whining insisting he could fix it while Cosette argued that he made weapons, not leappads. The woman hadn't wanted to risk a rocket being built into the child's toy.

 

“You know, she's, uh, with one of them. Right?” The blonde was up to something and Bernie wasn't exactly sure she liked what the girl was implying.

 

“Christ, Trish, it wasn't Tony.”

 

“I fucking k _ new  _ Tony was her soulmate!” Trish shouted victoriously. Nearly spilling some of her wine as she pumped her fist.

 

“Wait, they're soulmates? I thought they were just fucking.” Bernie hummed before sipping her wine once more. That was an interesting tidbit, she knew plenty of the tower gossip, but sometimes she still found out things that surprised her. Like the fact that Tony and Cosette were soulmates, or that Bruce and a girl half his age named Melany were sneaking around. She even thought that Natasha might be seeing someone, though that information was kept a better secret than nuclear launch codes.

 

“Yep, she told me one of them was her soulmate, but when I asked who she ducked the question.” There was a nonchalant shrug tacked on to the end of the sentence to hide the girl's glee. However, since she was so intoxicated it was hard to mask the pure joy that was emanating from her.

 

There were a few minutes of silence as the girls both sipped their wine and got lost in their own thoughts. Trish was the first to speak, “So who was it?”

 

“Guess.”

 

“Clint.”

 

“How the fuck-”

 

“He's definitely your type.” 

 

“I don't have a type.” She grumbled into her glass of wine. Did Bernie have a type? She wasn't sure, she hadn't dated much, never really meeting anyone interesting enough to pursue. She would have dated Clint, had he given her a chance. Hell, if he had even wanted to only sleep together, she would have been down that had been the best sex she had ever had.

* * *

 

Two months went by and Clint had never called, Bernie wouldn't admit it, but she was a little bitter. Every time she got a call from the residential floors she cringed, hoping it wasn't him. She felt stupid believing that he would actually call, a fact she had admitted on the third glass of wine she had shared with Trish. 

 

Today Steve had called her up to the main Avengers floor, the one that had been destroyed and recently redone. It was where most of them spent their time, lounging and being normal humans. She spent a lot of time on that floor, helping with whatever random things the Avengers needed, sometimes just being summoned up there to keep them company. It surprised her how many issues they had with the computers and other technological items in the building. For avengers she thought they would be smarter, they could save the world from aliens but couldn't reboot a computer?

 

“Christ, Steve, I swear I'm here more than I'm at home.” Bernie groaned loudly as she stepped through the elevator doors and into the newly refurbished residential floor of the tower. Her freshly polished boots squeaked against the floors as she strolled towards the couches. 

 

Clint had been lounging on one of the couches, the picture of relaxation until he heard that voice. His eyes grew wide and his entire body tensed, “Shit.”  He cursed under his breath as he tried to figure out a way of escape.

 

The vent above him was his best option but it would take too long to get up, so he settled for rolling off the couch and hiding behind it. The spy knew he was ridiculous but the thought of seeing a woman he completely unintentionally stood up was not a pleasant one. From behind the couch Clint could peek around the corners and see what was going on, so he decided to spy, in the interest of knowing when he could escape of course. Not because he wanted to see B.

 

“I'm sorry.” The super soldier said sheepishly, a blush rising to his cheeks as he casually scratched the back of his head. The super soldier was biting his lip and giving her that sweet all American smile Clint had seen him give a few girls:

 

Was he flirting with her? Clint felt his blood boil for a minute, B was his, then he remembered she definitely wasn't. She could have been, but he forgot to call and then by the time he remembered he decided it would be too late to call. 

 

“What's wrong now?” She asked and she moved to flop down on the other side of the sectional, where Steve had been sitting previously. 

 

“My laptop screen keeps going black.”

 

After a minute of examining the laptop that he had handed her she let out a chuckle, “I don't know what you did but you accidentally nudged the battery out of place, so when you go to use it it almost immediately shuts down.” 

 

“I'm sorry I have to keep calling you up here like this, you're probably the only person that  _ doesn't  _ make fun of me.” The super soldier murmured as he perched on the couch next to her.

 

Clint had to remember to breathe.

 

“It's alright, I understand, old people need help with technology.” She said with a playful laugh as she nudged him lightly. 

 

Did she just go around calling everyone old men? Clint felt mildly offended, he thought he was the only old man in her life. Or was that her signature move? It was a weird play but obviously it worked. 

 

“Hey, I left my phone in the kitchen and I'm not sure how to charge the battery on it. Could you grab it while I find the charger to plug this in?” Steve asked sweetly.

 

Clint wanted to barf.

 

“Of course, no problem, Stevie.” 

 

She called him Stevie?

 

As soon as Bernie left the room Steve got up to peek at Clint behind the couch. “What are you doing?” 

 

“Hiding.”

 

“You normally hide in the vents.” Steve said suspiciously. He had refrained from saying anything about the archers sudden need to hide in front of Bernie, sensing that she was probably the reason Clint ducked behind the couch.

 

“Hiding from B.”

 

“Bernie?” 

 

“If that's her name, yeah.” Clint replied with a shrug. Bernie was an interesting name for a girl, but he didn't want to seem too interested when talking to Steve. B had pretty clearly been a nickname, but Bernie also sounded like a nickname, so what was her real name?

 

“Do I want to know why?” Steve asked, pinching his brow as he tried to avoid thinking of why Barton didn't want to see the girl and why he didn't know her actual name.

 

“Probably not.”

 

“Here ya go!” Came Bernies chipper voice from behind Steve. Both men visibly tensed as they heard her voice, neither had heard her approaching.

 

“Hey! Uh, I thought I left my charger over here so I was just checking.” Steve explained awkwardly.

 

“If you weren't standing beside a window that would be a half decent lie.” Bernie said with a smirk before bending down to peer behind Steve at Clint. “Hi, Clint.” 

 

“Oh, hey! You!” He replied as he awkwardly jumped up and hopped over the couch to stand on the opposite side. He was acting as though she had a disease, perhaps he was worried he’d catch cooties.

 

“It's okay, you don't have to talk to me.” Bernie found herself unable to stop smirking as she stared at the nervous man before her. Her eyes trailed over him, remembering the feeling of him hard against her, she licked her lips.

 

“I never said-” Clint started but was cut off by the girl.

 

“You can just go back to hiding behind the couch and I'll go back to pretending that I can't see your reflection in the window. Then I'll sit on the couch with Steve and pretend for a few minutes that I actually believe he can't charge his phone and you can sneak away? Deal?” 

 

All Clint could do was nod meekly in response, while Steve tried to hold back his laughter as he nodded. She clapped her hands together and smiled widely at both men before moving to sit on the couch again. “That way things don't have to be _awkward_.” She whispered the word awkward, exaggerating it and adding a wink before moving to sit down.

* * *

 

“Hey, sweetbutt!” Tony called as he walked into the kitchen, making sure to smack Barton's ass on the way.

 

“What?” Clint was confused and now his ass was sore. Had Cosette and Tony taken his drunk joking offer seriously?

 

“You don't remember?” The billionaire pouted as he leaned against the kitchen counter, holding a glass of water in his hand.

 

“Remember?” God, had he taken his offer seriously and then forgotten about it?

 

“Let me refresh your memory.” Tony said with a devilish grin as he showed Clint a surprisingly clear cellphone video, then again it was a Stark phone.

 

The video was of the group of avengers standing around outside of a bar laughing, Clint vaguely remembered this as the party Tony threw for Bruce's birthday, all of them but Bruce and Natasha had been roaring drunk. Steve had even gotten drunk when he and Thor had an asgardian mead drinking contest.

 

_ “You can't back out of a dare!” Tony yelled. _

 

_ “That's just wrong!” Clint whined _ .

 

_ “Just do it Barton!” Natasha groaned, clearly getting annoyed with the boys shenanigans.  _

 

_ Clint sighed in the video before turning around and calling out to a girl walking away, “HEY, SWEETBUTT!”  _

 

_ “Hey, Dickhead!” She called back. _

 

Clint frowned, the girl in the video looking vaguely familiar, and the words she had said happened to be the words scrawled across outer left thigh. However, it wasn't unusual for him to be called a dickhead. He yanked the phone from Stark’s hands to zoom in on the girl, and then he felt his heart drop.

 

“Oh, fuck.” He repeated this at least six more times before tossing the phone back to Tony and running for the elevator.

* * *

 

“Did you know?” Clint yelled as he threw open the door of his and Natasha's shared apartment. If he was going to do this he needed to know that his bestfriend hadn't intentionally set him up for failure. 

 

“Know what?” She asked, confusion written on her face, whatever he was asking she probably did know. She just needed more clarification.

 

“About Bernie the IT girl being my soulmate.” The archer wasn't in the mood to play games.

 

“She is?” Natasha was genuinely confused. 

 

“Stark showed me a video of her saying my words. Do you happen to know what hers are?”

 

“Hey, sweetbutt.” Natasha responded immediately, her hand slapped over her mouth as her mind flashed back to that night. She hadn’t gotten a look at the girl that Clint had hit on but now she could remember it.

 

“So, first I forget my soulmate. Then we fuck and I forget to call her. Brilliant.” Clint hissed to himself as he stormed out the apartment.

 

“Where are you going?” The redhead called after him.

 

“To try to find a ‘I'm sorry I forgot you were my soulmate, then slept with you and forgot to call.’ Card at the hallmark store.” Came his reply.

* * *

 

“Is, uh Bernie here?” Clint asked, his voice muffled.

 

Young Jerry nearly fell out of his chair as he turned around and saw what appeared to be a giant walking bouquet. “No?” Was his squeaky reply as he tried to calm his breathing.

 

“Can I put these in her office?” 

 

“I guess?” Jerry replied as he pointed to the door that led to his bosses office. 

 

“Thanks.”

 

Clint stepped into Bernie’s office, kicking the door shut with his foot. As he set the flowers down on the floor in the middle of the room, they were too big for a table, he took a minute to look around. The room was large and the walls were covered in metal shelving units with meticulously organized bins of computer parts. There was a little bump out that housed her desk, which had four computer monitors on it. 

 

He pulled the card he had gotten custom made out of his pocket and wrote a quick message in it before setting it on her desk and continuing to look around. He was surprised to note she had no family pictures, the only picture on her desk was that of her and a strawberry blonde who looked vaguely familiar. With that Clint decided to exit the office, not seeing any reason to stay.

 

“Do you know when she’ll be back?” He asked the young assistant, Jerry if he remembered correctly. 

 

The boy jumped, surprised by the voice from behind him, he wasn't used to people being this quiet, typically Bernie was always grumbling to herself so she was easy to hear coming. “Uh, she's on lunch right now.” 

 

“Thanks.” Clint was frustrated, he wasn't sure how he had managed to screw up this badly but somehow it still managed to be typical Clint. He wasn't sure if this had ever happened to somebody before, what kind of person would forget their soulmate?

 

“Hey, wait you're one of the-”

 

Clint didn't wait for the kid to finish his sentence, instead just skulking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I disappear for such long periods of time! I really do appreciate all of your support.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback! I crave it! I feed on it! I haven't had solid food in a year! Feed me!


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